nameless

You never have to say it.  I only want to feel it.

In your smile, in your touch, in those glances you only think you are stealing.

Lets not give it a name.

eachtimeiseeyourface

when you kiss me goodbye, i imagine you are holding my face in your hands.  you watch me for what seems like lifetimes, but more like just a few seconds.  

studying the curvature of my face, curiously memorizing, burning it into your heart so that you can kiss me over and over again, every time you close your eyes.

you trace my lips with your thumb from the right to the left

up my cheek, to the corner of my eye, then down again

underneath my chin and around to the other side.

i imagine you pulling me into you.  my eyes are lowered, you lower yours to meet them.

your nose gently grazes mine.  your lips part to take mine in.   your tongue softly outlines my lips before the kiss.

the soft, gentle kiss. 

and i can feel that kiss each time i breathe in, each time my eyes close, each time i see your face.

ificouldjustbreathe

breathe.  [inhale/exhale]  slowly.  [inhales.exhale] slower still. [inhale.............exhale..........]  it is the first time in your presence and i find i cannot breathe. [inhale]

can you hear me breathing.

there is nothing left in my body.  I take one half step towards you.  trembling. [exhale...]

a million thoughts going through my mind.

how do i do this.  what do i do first.  do i lift my eyes or my head.  do i lean in or pull back.  when should i breathe. 

we are finally here.  we are strangers.  step across the line with me.  we will not tarry long, but the journey will not be quick.

we will stay on this side of the tree for as long as we need to be.  you will explore my flower petals, and i, your branches.

we will learn of each other first, and love on each other later.  we have all the time in the world.  

there is distance between us because there needs to be -  for fear we may lose control.

breathe.  slowly.  slower still.  i stand before you now and struggle to find breath.

claim your body.  it no longer belongs to anyone, but to you.

touch it.  memorize it.  conquer it.  feel it.

time will pass before the next time is able to come.

we are new lovers.  inexperienced lovers.  but we are lovers.

if your hand never touches my body, you have already made to me.

i would like to make love to you.

howtofightfornow

I can think of a million reasons why the other way looks so good
Sillie goose, I don’t believe in magic and tricks are only for kids anyway
This was not supposed to go this way

It seems that somewhere in between the work and the laughs
You were picking at my heart and gathering it up
Piece by piece

I don’t know what any of this is
I don’t want to
I don’t want to think of it
Because then I will find a need to control it

For once, I want to be controlled.

I want to be surprised everyday
And hold all the words inside
Don’t speak, sir
Let us just feel this one all the way out.

I fought to be alone
I fight against my past burying me in fear
I fought to be alive
I know how to do a lot of things
This time, though, i need assistance
show me how to fight for now

kissesinthedark

he told meeh it would be us against the world
i knew the world would take issue
so i withdrew
his soft kisses in the dark were all i needed
the rest i guess was just for fun

but then i got older
and time started passing meeh by
i didnt mind it
but the fun was over
and i started having all these grown up thoughts and feelings
and i fell in love with the idea of him first

the idea of my lover being my best friend
the idea of my protectorate being my key
the idea that i could give all my vulnerabilities to this one soul
this one man who would hold meeh
and keep meeh from my darkness

and then i fell in love with him
and the idea was nothing like who he turned out to be
the darkness that consumes him
as it throws meeh to the floor
the anger that covers him as he lashes out
but i was to remain in perfect form

well i didnt
and you were wrong to expect that i would
but that didnt just hurt him
it hurt meeh more

it made him question my love
and call it a lie
and all i could think was its over

while he did what he had always done
i cried and wished i didnt go further than that stupid idea
some things should remain dreams always
dreamers live forever
i just laid there on the floor and died.

nomorerainbows

"you see i been dead so long
closed in silence so long
i dont know the sound of my own voice."

the rainbow ended and i guess i ran outta ways to pretend.
i carried a burden to heavy for even me
and all this time i was pretending to be superwoman
well i aint

im not her

the sobbing the screaming
the kicking the bleeding
the secrets that kill my soul

but i cant tell a soul

"i wanted to know if i could stand not being wanted
when i wanted to be wanted"
and it burned a whole in my being
but i never dropped to my knees

all of meeh wanted you
but never needed you until now
now that i sit on this floor
with my secret

lets play it out again
swap you for meeh
then no one would have any more secrets

hang yourself with the pain if you want
but im gon choose something different this time
imma get this here together and eat what i know i shouldnt
and drink what i know i shouldnt
and i promise not to wake up with another secret.

see i done made fire from rain
and wind from water
where there is woman
there is magic

but there is more to a woman
than her breast and thighs
she is created to bear suffering
and carry the weights of the world

but the rainbow gone now
i got no more reasons
and this damn hole is consuming meeh
so i sit here
with my food and drink to say
enough is enuf

theletteridneverwritten

i used to sit up every morning before i went to the shower and write you a note

something that you would find in the morning on your pillow

if you felt for meeh when you woke

they would always tell you

thank you for the night

if it didnt say anything else

you would know the significance of being held

they would tell you that i would carry your scent with meeh

and that the only thing i would look forward to were your arms

the arms that kept meeh so safe from my nightmares

safe from the darkness id hidden myself in

and the days would pass

some quicker than others

but they all ended the same so the middle of it all didnt matter much

but the words i really wanted to say

i branded on my heart

they were too fragile to commit to paper

and now that you are a 7208 miles away

i think differently

i dream of you holding the letter id never written

reading the words that told you of the night i fell in love with you

hearing my heart beat and the wind whisper

that the continents could not keep us apart

and you would have known that i would have opened my life to you

that i would serve you in every way

and not let a day go by where you had to ask what if

that letter held sacred kisses

and a key to my soul

and a promise that you will never know

i was wrong

never to have let you know

and i will never know again the comfort of your arms

but i still sit up each morning and type up a note

reminiscent of those id leave on your pillow all those years ago

with the click of a button they go the distance

not that they mean anything anymore

but perhaps they will make you smile

as you remember the way we were so in love