everydayitrains

i remember where i was when i found out

the night before had been a rough one

i found out that i was having a child

i was too confused and stupid excited

this disgusting grin plastered on my face

i mean that they way we do in VI you know

it was another one of those sleepless night

i knew my grandfather would be elated

just how and when to tell him

and my boyfriend for that matter.

i was still in grad school

there was much to figure out

i decided to sleep in the back of my explorer

it was surprisingly comfortable

and quiet

it is where i spent many a night

out in the driveway

there must have been four separate journals with meeh

bubbis was with meeh - he was my comfort.

suddenly it was 3am

and there was this incessant knocking

and i couldnt figure out from where

i looked up and it was my haff

her bedroom window overlooks the driveway

and she had taken to knocking on her window

to grab my attention, when i slept outside

shes gone.

that was when it started raining.

i took over a month off of work

planning a funeral wasnt on my list

all of my joy disappeared and i found myself falling

my greatest fear

she was the rock of the family

i was boulder in training

but i still needed her

i was far from ready

who would be my rock

i dont do funerals

and saying goodbye to her was the hardest thing i ever did

until i said goodbye to my child.

the doctor said it was the stress

i think maybe it wanted to keep my grandmother company

i lost most of meeh

and it has rained every day since