outofcontrol

I had it all planned out

I call and you come

We take care of business

It was supposed to be simple

My way of retaining control

No emotions involved

You provide for meeh a service

A win-win situation

I thought I had it all under control

Because it was never about you

I never thought of you

I assumed you did it for the pleasure

What man wouldn’t?

After all, I knew I was good at what I did

For him, apparently, its wasn’t so simple

When you share certain parts of yourself

A connection is inevitable

This isn’t what I wanted

Suddenly he does not take my calls

Frustration long set in

I go for a long walk in my secret place

I swear I have never seen a soul there before

Spinning in circles

Taking in the fresh air

My personal liberator

I go toward the brook

At times I think it talks to meeh

I tell it my fears it is my best friend

As I sit on my rock I notice there is a person at the other end

I am not social and I don’t care

No introductions

Maybe I’ll even leave, this is awkward

It’s him

He approaches meeh

My first thought is to find out why the hell he is not taking my calls

Got meeh sitting here with all this pent up aggression

And he is sitting at MY damn brook

Nerve

Instead I simply say hi

He offers no response

Instead he takes hold of me and runs his fingers through my hair

Part of meeh wanted to pull away

Most of meeh did.

This is not what I wanted

Do not rob meeh of this

These are not my terms

This is not my home

We are not in my bed

I did not recognize this

But how my body melted

There was no composure

No holding it together

We made love for the first time

And he whispered in my ear

Just let meeh love you

I have resented him ever since