inebriatedramblings

perhaps i did have one too many bottles of Riesling that night

but it soothed my nerves

and my soul was no longer shaking

i saw clearer than i had since that first day

and my thoughts were just as clairvoyant

this is one of those times when i could say all i had tucked away in the back of my mind

and i didnt have to worry about the consequences until the moon clocks out

but i dont mind

i wont use the sillie girl excuse that i had no idea what i was doing

i dont believe inebriation causes a temporary disarmament of inhibitions

rather a surge in heart and courage

to do say and be the real you

i know exactly what i am doing

i am the real meeh all the time

but there is something that weakens meeh

matters of the heart

that night i would put all of my fears inside of that glass

and thin them out with the clearest Riesling I had

i would swirl them about and sip them slowly

and the closer i get to the bottom of the glass

the bolder i will grow

and if the first glass proves not enough

there was more

with two bottles down and bearing down on the third

i would begin

perhaps saying the first thing that comes to mind all the time is a defense mechanism

perhaps if i say it all i will make myself less vulnerable

but my heart is different

i dont have the best of luck when it comes to her

she has been battered and broken and number of times

i made up in my mind that after the last stint

i was done

i wanted her to heal and then focus on repairing the damage

there would be no other time

there would be no more giving it away or leasing it out to the undeserving

i was smarter now

the only person i wanted to trust her with from this point and on

was meeh

so where did you come from and why

why cant i just frolic in the wheat fields and fall in love with the stars

our affair would have been perfect

but you come from nowhere and im skipping beats

my breathing is scattered and my heart is trying to leap from my chest

and for what

i told you once that you were going to ruin meeh

i think you laughed it off and said that you would do no such thing

but i was right... again

and you... you never stood a chance

i also said that i didnt want to fall in love with you

you laughed at that as well and said good luck

this time you were right...

and it was i who never stood a chance.

how the joke was on meeh

we did everything fast

but it was all so natural

we didnt force a glance or a conversation

not a kiss and not a touch

the first time we made love was the moment that took meeh over the edge

and you became the difference between where i am and where i want to be