whatidobest

i said it all then

without saying a word

i told you that i wanted to fall in love with all that you were

and all that you could be to meeh

i told you that i could be all that you needed and more

but you didnt believe meeh

or you were scared

one or the other

whatever it was....

..... you left

you didnt speak a word

not even with your kiss

but somehow i knew exactly when it all happened

i knew that the last time would be just that

i knew that you didnt know how to do it

you never did

that was one of the things i could never and would never understand about you

the fact that you always left

and you taught meeh to walk after you

never saying how i felt or what i meant

my defense mechanism was to just walk away

not to speak a word

not to look too deeply into your eyes

just to walk away

that way there would be no fight to look back on and regret

there would be no last words to wish were different

it would just be us

and that last glance....

you knew how i wanted to feel

and you knew what i wanted to say

so i didnt think i needed to do any of it

i didnt need to care

or wonder....

maybe that is where i went wrong.

i made myself robotic

i caged who i was in exchange for a colder version of who i never wanted to be

and somehow i justified it all

something i never did

... proffer justifications...

but i knew that it was so wrong i needed to cover it up somehow....

someway....

that was my method of choice

now i sit in the late of the night

trying to figure the whys of it all...

unable to reach a conclusion

i do what i learned to do best

walk...