mygifttoyour&r

as you pulled off i wanted to utter goodbye

but my lungs find themselves dependant on you

and the only words i could get out were

...come back...

kiss meeh one more time before i die

to feel your touch just once more

id pull down the stars

and put them in a jar

so when those times find you where the night has escaped you

the stars will be within your reach

and when the skies are dark

and the clouds are plenty

they may yet shine through

and illuminate your nights

inebriatedramblings

perhaps i did have one too many bottles of Riesling that night

but it soothed my nerves

and my soul was no longer shaking

i saw clearer than i had since that first day

and my thoughts were just as clairvoyant

this is one of those times when i could say all i had tucked away in the back of my mind

and i didnt have to worry about the consequences until the moon clocks out

but i dont mind

i wont use the sillie girl excuse that i had no idea what i was doing

i dont believe inebriation causes a temporary disarmament of inhibitions

rather a surge in heart and courage

to do say and be the real you

i know exactly what i am doing

i am the real meeh all the time

but there is something that weakens meeh

matters of the heart

that night i would put all of my fears inside of that glass

and thin them out with the clearest Riesling I had

i would swirl them about and sip them slowly

and the closer i get to the bottom of the glass

the bolder i will grow

and if the first glass proves not enough

there was more

with two bottles down and bearing down on the third

i would begin

perhaps saying the first thing that comes to mind all the time is a defense mechanism

perhaps if i say it all i will make myself less vulnerable

but my heart is different

i dont have the best of luck when it comes to her

she has been battered and broken and number of times

i made up in my mind that after the last stint

i was done

i wanted her to heal and then focus on repairing the damage

there would be no other time

there would be no more giving it away or leasing it out to the undeserving

i was smarter now

the only person i wanted to trust her with from this point and on

was meeh

so where did you come from and why

why cant i just frolic in the wheat fields and fall in love with the stars

our affair would have been perfect

but you come from nowhere and im skipping beats

my breathing is scattered and my heart is trying to leap from my chest

and for what

i told you once that you were going to ruin meeh

i think you laughed it off and said that you would do no such thing

but i was right... again

and you... you never stood a chance

i also said that i didnt want to fall in love with you

you laughed at that as well and said good luck

this time you were right...

and it was i who never stood a chance.

how the joke was on meeh

we did everything fast

but it was all so natural

we didnt force a glance or a conversation

not a kiss and not a touch

the first time we made love was the moment that took meeh over the edge

and you became the difference between where i am and where i want to be

3amthoughts

i didnt know what to say

she told meeh the story of her life

and the only part if it that caught meeh

was the fact that she had never been tucked in to bed

its a shame when we allow the pains of our past to rot out our present

it ruins any chance of a future any different from the past we are trying to escape from

but when will we learn that tale

she didnt trust men

they had abused her all of her life

a sad, but common factor in the lives of young black women today

she grew up feeling like she had to prove herself to herself

in order to be accepted by a world that didnt acknowledge her in the first place

they grow up so misguided now

and all i wanted to do was hold her

she fell in love with a fool and played herself

so she could prove to someone that love can work

who is to say her conjecture was wrong

but her premis was certainly flawed

he was a decade older than her

makes sense

there was no father in her life

she didnt know the first thing about a man

a lesson her mother should have taught her

instead she got an earful that went something to the effect of

"you always acting like your no good daddy"

i always hate to hear that

in my mind i think it couldnt have always been so bad

you loved him enough to give him a child

he just didnt love you enough to stick around

or maybe he just didnt know how

there was no man in his life either

it wasnt long before she was pregnant

i couldnt help but wonder if that was her plan all along

but she could barely take care of it

she couldnt take care of herself

but she wasnt about to give it up

she was going to have the family she had always wanted

she got her GED and went to one of those TV schools for nursing

she worked at White Castle flipping burgers and Kohls folding clothes

it was her method of supporting her child

who would have guessed the old man didnt stick around with her

all of her accomplishments were followed by the same

"its even harder because his no good daddy just up and left"

and the cycle continued

she would never again trust a man

and all she did was foster a resentment by her son towards her

she didnt even know it

i was saddened to know that she had never known the honesty behind a kiss to the forehead

she wouldnt even entertain the possibility at this point

and she had never known to intimacy in being tucked into bed at night

my mother always said to meeh:

"you have two options with situations like this. you can either become the thing you hate or you can be the opposite."

i think i made the right choice

my forehead is my favorite place to be kissed

and there are very few nights that escape meeh

when i am not tucked in to bed.

gonefrommeeh

my midsummer nights dream is that you would be a little closer

i want to be able to feel your breath fall on my cheek

i no longer want to imagine and write

i want to say what i feel

what i am feeling

and what i cannot wait to feel again

but you are gone from meeh now

and all i have left to hold on to

are these midsummer nights dreams

of the time when you kissed meeh first

and the remnants of which were bruised on to my body

i was frantic as i search for a way for it not to show

im too to myself and this would blow meeh

but when i lie down at night as bare as the day i was brought into this world

i touch all the different parts of my body

and remember the way it felt when they were your hands

doing all the exploring

my long distance love

it only hurts because i cared too soon

too fast

for far too much

i only slept because they were your arms that held meeh

and now i am left with these midsummer nights dreams

dreams of laughter now drowned with silence

dreams of smiles clouded by the tears

and even now sleep eludes meeh

and soon these dreams will be nothing more than a faint memory

of what used to be

the summer will fade

and we will be left in the nakedness of winter

you will be gone from meeh

as though you never existed

and i will not try to remember you

the pain will be too great

for now i hold fast to these dreams

but i will not shed a tear once they are gone from meeh