tosavemyhand

of course that is the way it goes. two wrongs never make a right to the one who wronged you. and without ever addressing their own transgressions they blurt out in the middle of an already awkward silence "One day you will have to answer to Him for what you have done to meeh!" Yeah right, we will stand side by side on that line.

@skinnyjeanius' rule number 463 - "only apologize once for the mistakes you have made."

so it dawned on meeh. I have always had a choice and crying my eyes out over someone i wasnt sure was worth meeh was never one of the options. the choice was simple. Give up on him or give up on meeh. my life has taken meeh on a roller coaster ride through the hell fires and back on more than ten occasions and let meeh tell you the way i love myself now. I adore the woman i have become far too much to choose the latter option. so the deal was made and my signature in blood on the dotted line. i became her for a hot minute, but its not who i would remain.

i have always had a high tolerance for pain. time to remember it and hang on it. but when you weigh it all out. what was more painful? only an emotionally mature person could do this one with ease. and i wasnt always that. something about him turned meeh from the strong woman id grown into to the little girl i thought id left behind. and i recognized it a long time ago. and i should have cut it loose then, but i was more afraid of being alone. so i stayed.

im not afraid anymore though. only thing that was tying meeh down was time invested. but truth be told i was ready to lock that bad boy in a box and throw it overboard in the deepest part of the ocean. It would hurt. No matter what I might or might not say, a part of my heart is right there with it. but at this point its a matter of self preservation. time to cut off the thumb to save my hand.