kissesinthedark

he told meeh it would be us against the world
i knew the world would take issue
so i withdrew
his soft kisses in the dark were all i needed
the rest i guess was just for fun

but then i got older
and time started passing meeh by
i didnt mind it
but the fun was over
and i started having all these grown up thoughts and feelings
and i fell in love with the idea of him first

the idea of my lover being my best friend
the idea of my protectorate being my key
the idea that i could give all my vulnerabilities to this one soul
this one man who would hold meeh
and keep meeh from my darkness

and then i fell in love with him
and the idea was nothing like who he turned out to be
the darkness that consumes him
as it throws meeh to the floor
the anger that covers him as he lashes out
but i was to remain in perfect form

well i didnt
and you were wrong to expect that i would
but that didnt just hurt him
it hurt meeh more

it made him question my love
and call it a lie
and all i could think was its over

while he did what he had always done
i cried and wished i didnt go further than that stupid idea
some things should remain dreams always
dreamers live forever
i just laid there on the floor and died.

nomorerainbows

"you see i been dead so long
closed in silence so long
i dont know the sound of my own voice."

the rainbow ended and i guess i ran outta ways to pretend.
i carried a burden to heavy for even me
and all this time i was pretending to be superwoman
well i aint

im not her

the sobbing the screaming
the kicking the bleeding
the secrets that kill my soul

but i cant tell a soul

"i wanted to know if i could stand not being wanted
when i wanted to be wanted"
and it burned a whole in my being
but i never dropped to my knees

all of meeh wanted you
but never needed you until now
now that i sit on this floor
with my secret

lets play it out again
swap you for meeh
then no one would have any more secrets

hang yourself with the pain if you want
but im gon choose something different this time
imma get this here together and eat what i know i shouldnt
and drink what i know i shouldnt
and i promise not to wake up with another secret.

see i done made fire from rain
and wind from water
where there is woman
there is magic

but there is more to a woman
than her breast and thighs
she is created to bear suffering
and carry the weights of the world

but the rainbow gone now
i got no more reasons
and this damn hole is consuming meeh
so i sit here
with my food and drink to say
enough is enuf